This week I stumbled across the gayest episode of Columbo I have ever seen, Columbo Goes to the Guillotine (Season 8, episode 1). It starts off in a paranormal lab while Elliot Blake’s (Anthony Andrews) psychic abilities are being tested by Dr. Paula Hall (Karen Austin). We later find out that the government is threatening to pull funding from the research center if they can’t show proof of anybody with psychic abilities. We also discover that Elliot is a fraud and that he has seduced Paula into thinking that he is her only chance to keep the research center open.
As it turns out, the government wants to conduct their own tests to find out if Elliot’s psychic abilities are real. They hire Max Dyson (Anthony Zerbe), a magician whose raison d’être is to disprove psychics, to conduct the study. While this is being explained to Paula and Elliot, Max shows up at the top of a staircase looking down at the group and calling out to Paula while giving off a very gay energy. My husband and I looked at each other and smirked.
And then Elliot and Max have a clandestine meeting on the wharf at night. It’s dark, there’s mist and the sound of water and ship horns in the distance. Elliot turns and sees Max approaching in silhouette. Their eyes meet as Max purses his lips and gives Elliot a hug. Then Max says, “That’s for the past.”
From here the conversation is conducted in short sentences that sound almost coded, giving us only enough information to let us know that they were in prison together and that Elliot was Max’s student. Max taught Elliot everything he knows and Elliot was a good student. The scene is very sexy noir, with the dialogue giving us a sense that their relationship was more than just friends.
The next scene is the psychic test, which Elliot passes with flying colors. And then we see Elliot visiting Max in his magician’s workshop, a space above a magic store. Max is working on a trick guillotine and the two men speak in what sounds vaguely like an old lover’s quarrel. We learn that Max and Elliot had planned to escape the Ugandan prison, but Max left Elliot behind and escaped on his own. Did he leave Elliot to die? Elliot thinks he did, whips out a pistol and points it directly at Max, who says, “If you want to kill me, you can, but try to remember what we meant to each other in that place. What we gave to each other.”
And then, twenty-five minutes into the episode, we have the murder. It’s very unlike Columbo to have the murder happen so far into the story, but I was so entertained that it didn’t matter. The rest of the story plays out like a typical Columbo episode. Peter Falk is fantastic as always. And although we never find out if Elliot and Max were ever lovers—not that I thought we ever would—it’s a delight to watch the show to its thrilling conclusion. And yes, that truly was the gayest episode of Columbo I have ever seen.
Below is the 12 minute version of the episode, but I suggest you watch it in its entirety if you have a Peacock subscription or know another way to stream it.